[kirajackson]

I'd really appreciate your thoughts no this piece. I wrote this after my brother went to prison.

"There is acceptable and there is detestable. Good and bad. Legends and lowlifess. What's more, in the event that we're honored with shrewdness, at that point there are looks between the breaks of every where light streams through. We sit tight peacefully for these occasions when sense can be made, when inane presence comes into center, and our motivation introduces itself. Also, on the off chance that we have the solidarity frankly, at that point what we find there, gazing back at us, is our own appearance, giving testimony regarding the duality of life. Also, every last one of us is fit for both the dim and the light, of good and wickedness, of either, of all. Also, predetermination, while walking ever toward us, can be rerouted by the decisions we make. By the affection we clutch, and the guarantees we keep."

[redactedboi]

I'm no expert in language and literature so I can't really give a good feedback, but one thing I think should be changed are the use of "also". No need to listen to my feedback m8 though, I think its good as it is.
I think this is a great poem! As long as it got your feelings integrated into that piece, it will always be a masterpiece

[realkane]

I think it's dope! If I would work on anything in your next writing it would be to use your voice a little more when deciding between using a bigger more intellectual sounding word or keeping true to the way you talk; where I think the word appearance exchanged with the simpler word reflection would maybe be a stronger way to carry the rest of that thought through...

But as previously stated above I also ain't no expert on prose, just a pirate here to look at some free boobies.?