EDIT: Why is this in the porn section? It should be in miscellaneous.
I'm going to be blunt here, because you need to hear it. You're asking for help in the same way you've been failing with women. That won't work. But that doesn't mean I'll be a complete asshole about it.
1. You're super sensitive. - Women hate being around me who are just as sensitive if not more so than them. Unless you already have a strong bond with them and in a vulnerable moment. That shit will never fly with them.
2. You're depressed - That in itself is a problem. There are two types of depression. The general one due to things just not going your way right now in your life and the other one is medical condition that will happen and is much harder to overcome. I'm pretty sure you have the first one, as most others will do. Plus, I ain't qualified to advise you on the 2nd one.
I'm going to be general as hell here, since I don't know your situation at all.
1. Have you got your shit together? Friends, family, hobbies, successful and fulfilling career, health (physically and mentally), money and safety? The less you have of each, the less attractive you will be. Doesn't matter if you're gay or straight. Women don't date down the social ladder, men do. It's just an accepted fact across the world.
2. The most successful men with women don't give two shits about rejection from women. Or give less about it than most, because there are more than a billion other women out there. But how do men retain such seemingly unshakable confidence? They either got it through a shit ton of experience or they have their life together. When you got your life together, it strengthens your mental fortitude. It's much easier to deal with unsuccessful attempts in anything in life when everything else is going on well.
3. So, focus on getting your shit together. You don't have to go out and party, you don't even need a huge group of friends, but you need a solid group. Doesn't matter if it's a chess group, archery or whatever. You need to truly enjoy what you do and be able to provide for both you and your partner in the perceivable future.
A good set of rules to live by (within reason) is.
1. Never place a lover above your goals, because the moment you do is when you start to become too needy. (If her life is in genuine danger, then this is an obvious exception of when you can pause your life's goal to help her as an example.)
2. While your lover may never be more important than your life's goal, that doesn't mean that they can't be the most important person to you.
That is how you strike the correct balance between your life's goals and your love life.
You'll need to learn how to play the game, because women will ALWAYS shit test you. From start to end. Even in marriage. They won't admit it though and many times they won't even consciously realise it. If you don't know what 'shit tests' are, then it's simply a term to describe women testing you to see if you're the right man for them. If you fail, it's not the end of the world in most cases, but it then lowers their perceived overall value of you.
Below examples are paraphased and it's missing the vocal tones, so it may come out too aggressive in texts, but that's why there are meant to be all vocal interactions.
Real life example 1:
Woman: I'm tired, can you carry my bags for me?
Man: Why?
Woman: Because I'm tired, don't you love me?
Man: Of course I do, but if you're tired then let's go home.
Woman: Fine, fine. I'm not tired anymore!
Real life example 2:
Man: Where do you want to eat?
Woman: I don't know, choose one.
Man: Okay, let's go [suggestion]
Woman: But I don't like [suggestion]!
Man: Okay, let's go to [suggestion 2].
Woman: Hmmm, [reasons why not.]
Man: Okay, you choose then.
Woman: I don't know! You choose.
Man: Okay, I choose [whatever] or we go home. Which will it be?
Woman: Fine, let's go [suggestion.] (guilty expression at being caught. Most of the time.)
Real life example 3: (She's interacting with her phone too much on a date. This is just a variation of this)
Man: Is it important?
Woman: Huh?
Man: Your phone. Is there something important on there?
Woman: Yes
Man: Okay, well then go, because you're obviously distracted.
Woman: Really?
Man: Well yes, because I came out here to be with you and you seem to be a million miles away.
Woman: I'm sorry.
Man: You can make it up to me next time.
Woman: How?
Man: I don't know, surprise me.
- Now, go do whatever is you need to do.
Woman: Thank you.
Real life example 3b: (She's interacting with her phone too much on a date. This is just a variation of this)
Man: Is it important?
Woman: Huh?
Man: Your phone. Is there something important on there?
Woman: No
Man: Then why do you keep looking at it?
Woman: [excuse or silence].
Man: Look, I came out here to spend some time with you, because I think I might like you/I like you, but what you're doing now is changing my opinion of you.
Woman: I'm sorry. ( A decent woman will apologise or if she doesn't, she maybe too shocked by your forwardness which isn't necessarily a bad thing.)
Man: When I'm with someone, I give them my full attention and I expect them to do the same. Otherwise, I just leave. So, should I leave?
Woman: No. No. No. No! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it.
Man: Okay, I believe you. For now, but don't do it again.
Woman: Thank you and I won't.
Man: [Move onto a different topic asap].
Real life example 4: (She's pretty late to a date. Say 10+ minutes.)
Man: You're late.
Woman: So?
Man: Well, I already found another date since you took so long.
Woman: Really?! 0_o
Man: Well, you kept me waiting. What else was I supposed to do? Wait for you forever?
Woman: I'm sorry, [excuses].
Man: Well, what are you going to do about it then?
Woman: [Has no idea or proposes one.]
Man: Let's do this. Since you're late, you buy us both the first round of drinks. Sound fair?
Woman: Yes.
Man: Okay, let's go then!
Woman: Wait, what about your other date?
Man: Of yeah, I forgot to mention. That's another day.
Woman: 0_o
Man: *Smirks and leads the way to a bar/etc.
If a woman is keeping you waiting for more than say 15 minutes, which is my limit, then unless things were out of her complete control (traffic jam/family crisis etc.) I just leave. Forget about her. A woman who keeps you waiting like that is the worst kind.
Those above were just a few examples of how to confidently stand your ground, call them on their BS and to guide the interactions respectfully for both parties.
I could write an entire PHD course on women and relationships, but the reality is. You need a mentor and if you want tailored support and guidance, you'll have to invest money. You lack money? Make more then. Getting better with woman is like getting better at anything else. You need to practice and use all failed attempts to motivate you to do better than before. You need to invest, time, money and unparalled will if you want to improve. You need to be dedicated to yourself and your goals. Don't be cheap about it. If you can't afford the guidance, then by all means use the free stuff, but your progress will be much slower and less efficient.
Also, here's one tip that most men never learn about sex. How to last longer. No, it's not wanking early, using ugly imagery or any other dumbass method out there. Sex is a physical activity and an endurance test if anything else in regards to premature ejaculation. So, how do you last longer in sex and any other physical activity? One of the most important factors is breathing. Keeping your eyes open, controlling your breather better to be more steady and relaxed and just learning when to pull your dick away from her pussy or even your body away from hers will extend your sexual stamina immensely. When you're not fucking her, you can hold her, kiss her, massage her, eat her out or any other number of things. Sex isn't all about penetration.
Also, here's another thing about looks and style. Your appearance matters only for about 10% of the interaction. It maybe only 10%, but it's an important 10%. It's the 10% that will help you get your foot through the door so to speak. It also helps to create a first impression, because first impressions are lasting impressions. Meaning, every time that person interacts with you after, they are trying to reaffirm their first impression of you. That's why bad first impressions are so hard to shake off. How do you upgrade your style? Start with the basics wardrobe items and colours, build a solid foundation first. The classics are always a good place to start. It might be gone, since he doesn't do it anymore, but you can find it somewhere on the web. Ryan Magin's 51 handsome guy secrets is a good place to start.
And since it seems that you're pretty much a beginner with women, here is one of my favourite starter tips from back when I was a beginner. This is a copy and paste from John Alanis - The self proclaimed king of 'let them come to you.'
## How to break the ice ##
The two biggest questions I get from men are this: what do I initially say to women, and where do I go to meet them. I’ll talk about where to meet them in a different pdf—in this one we’re going to talk about what to say.
In my experience, every man wants a set of “magic words” to recite to every woman he meets, immediately making her feel attracted to him. They want an “opener,” a “line,” something that works every time.
Well, fellas, I have good news and bad news. There’s no such thing, and if you keep looking for it you’re going to be forever disappointed. The good news, though, is this: there IS a simple way, a simple process to open a conversation with an attractive woman that works each and every time.
What’s most important when approaching a woman for the first time? While there are several things, the most important one is your smile. You’ve got to have what I call a great “naughty boy smile” in order to break the ice with a woman, and create instant attraction with her.
Women are much more in tune with body language than we are, and that’s why a naughty boy smile with the proper intent behind it is so powerful. A woman can feel your intent, and if it’s wrong or feels “off,” a woman will not be attracted to you.
If you listen to the girlie men in the media, they say your intent should be to be a nice guy with women, to show her you’re harmless and sensitive, in touch with your feelings, and not at all interested in sleeping with her. Most men broadcast this intent to women, which is why they fail. It is the wrong intent. Women are turned off by such wimpiness.
Contrary to what some so-called attraction experts teach, attraction is NOT a covert or sneaky thing. It’s subtly overt, though not blatant. Women are irresistibly attracted to a man who broadcasts he’s interested in them, but in a fun, playful way that signals she’s going to have to earn the right to spend time with him.
Understand this: women love challenges, and if she knows she can have you whenever she wants, she loses interest. There’s no challenge there. She can find men like that anywhere. What she has a very hard time finding are men she has to work to spend time with, and women are always on the lookout for such men.
Soooo, your intent (transmitted through your “naughty boy smile”) should be that while, yes you do find her attractive, she’s going to have to do some work and prove to you just why you should allow her to spend some quality time with you. We’ll cover this more in depth as we get into the more advanced part of the Women Approach You Formula, but this should give you an idea of what your intent should be, and why it’s so important. Now that you understand that, here’s the “no fail,” step by step process for breaking the ice with women and creating instant attraction.
Whenever you see an attractive woman you’d like to talk to, the first thing you should do is flash a hint of your “naughty boy smile,” at her, focus your intent, then look her right in the eye. When she catches your eye, broaden your smile, and as you walk towards her, broaden it some more.
What will she do? She’ll smile back at you, and her smile will increase as yours does. This is actually an old salesman’s trick called the “mirror effect,” and it is very effective. The mirror effect simply means that whatever expression you put on your face (smile, laugh, frown, etc.) the other person will mirror it back to you, man or woman. Try it with different people and different expressions, and you’ll know what I mean.
The important thing about the mirror effect is the emotion that accompanies the expressions. If you have an expression of sadness or anger, you’ll feel a bit of that, and so will the person you’re in front of.
That’s why, when it comes to women, it’s so important to start with your naughty boy smile, and your intent. When she sees you, she suddenly feels a hint of the same thing, and as your smile broadens, so does hers… and so does the naughty, playful feeling inside.
So, by the time you get within talking distance, she’s already feeling 1) a hint of attraction and 2) an increase in that attraction. This is vastly different than what she feels when she’s around most guys (desperation, wimpiness, or the dreaded ‘nice guy’ feeling), so she already views you in a different light. Now, you’ve got to get the next step right or you’ll ruin the moment. If you say something goofy like most guys do, something that’s incongruent with the feeling you’ve just created, she’ll think you’re a choad or a girlie man and the attraction you just created will fizzle. Here’s what to say, and in this case, the words ARE important:
“What are YOU smiling about?”
These are powerful words in this situation because of the process she just went through. She saw you, caught your eye, smiled at you, then broadened that smile when you got closer. She can’t deny that 1) she’s smiling and 2) she’s smiling about something, and that something is YOU.
So, she’ll have an answer for you, and all you have to do is continue the conversation from there, maintaining the feeling, your naughty boy smile, and the intent. We’ll talk about how to continue the conversation and take it (and her) where you want to go later on as we get into the Women Approach You Formula, but for now, this technique will always “break the ice” with a woman, provided you do it right.
It takes a bit of practice, but it’s a lot of fun—I’ve never been “rejected” or “shot down” by any woman when I’ve used this technique, because it’s how women want to be approached by
men. Try it and you’ll see.
## End of the ice breaker tip ##
Here are some mentors that I trust and/or have invested in before.
1. Chase Amante -
RE: serious question: How Women Think?.
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2. Yad - The undisputed master of daygame.
3. Gary Chapman - Five Love Languages
4. Adam Gilad -
RE: serious question: How Women Think?.
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And that's where I'll leave it for now. I wouldn't expect me to return and answer any questions here since I'm rarely here. But good luck.
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